{"id":633599,"date":"2016-10-11T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2016-10-10T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/latest-news\/articles\/negotiation-communication-reflections\/"},"modified":"2019-02-06T14:47:50","modified_gmt":"2019-02-06T13:47:50","slug":"negotiation-communication-reflections","status":"publish","type":"articles","link":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/articles\/negotiation-communication-reflections\/","title":{"rendered":"Negotiation and communication: some reflections"},"featured_media":636534,"template":"","meta":{"_has_post_settings":[]},"schools":[],"areas":[20,24,25],"subjects":[],"class_list":["post-633599","articles","type-articles","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","areas-human-behavior","areas-strategy","areas-talent"],"custom-fields":{"wpcf-article-leadin":["Negotiation is an essential part of our everyday lives, in the personal and the professional ambit; understanding the main issues involved in the way you communicate and the role that emotions play can help tip the balance in your favor."],"wpcf-article-body":["We\u2019re all expert negotiators because we spend a great part of our lives negotiating both personal and professional matters and we never stop learning.\r\n\r\nI would like to reflect on some practical aspects of negotiation \u2013beyond what we\u2019ve learned in our books\u2013 about the way we communicate when debating with another party and the role played by the emotions.\r\n\r\nCommunicating in an effective, assertive way can improve the results of any negotiation and establish long-term connections with clients, suppliers, investors, partners... Establishing limits, making requests without feeling bad about it, speaking from the heart without feeling ridiculous, expressing who we are... all this is an innovating way of relating to other people and an introspective journey in which each person must feel comfortable with who he is.\r\n\r\nWhen negotiating, I ask myself the following questions.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n1. What can I ask for? What is feasible?<\/strong>\r\n\r\nI need to know what to concentrate on. We often become obsessed with things that are not possible. I\u2019ll have a better chance of getting what I want if I concentrate on what is viable, because there\u2019s a limit to what I can ask for without being annoying.\r\n\r\nFor example, in a labor negotiation I may not be able to negotiate the base salary, but I can negotiate the bonus, the vacations, the car... or other things that together are worth more than the salary.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n2. \u201cTechnically impossible\u201d vs. \u201creally impossible\u201d<\/strong>\r\n\r\nIs something really impossible, or am I just not talking to the right person? There are things that depend on finding someone who really does know and who wants to help us. In what I call the \u201ctechnically impossible\u201d cases, our ability to establish a good connection with the other person can make all the difference.\r\n\r\nFor example at an airport counter when the answer is \u201cthat\u2019s not possible\u201d, I ask myself if this really means \u201cit\u2019s complicated and I have no intention of doing it\u201d or \u201cI\u2019d like to help you but I don\u2019t know how\u201d or \u201cit really is impossible.\u201d Depending on how I read the situation, I\u2019ll then decide if it\u2019s worth using my time and energy to insist, either by generating empathy, speaking with a supervisor, etc.\r\n\r\nIf we consider negative replies as \u201ctechnically impossible\u201d, we\u2019ll be surprised by the number of exceptions and the number of people we find who are willing to make possible what\u2019s impossible.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n3. How can I turn the person I\u2019m talking to into an ally?<\/strong>\r\n\r\nThat person we\u2019re facing isn\u2019t an enemy. He just has his interests and objectives and is concentrating on achieving them without thinking about ours. To change that dynamic, I try to \u201cchange myself into a person\u201d in his eyes, and thus generate empathy.\r\n\r\nI recently did an experiment with my boyfriend. We needed to convert some pesos into euros and called several foreign exchange offices to compare their rates. When he was on his tenth call, I made my first one, and spent a few seconds telling the person I was speaking with a little about myself and where I was from. At first he quoted me a rate similar to those at the other places. Then I asked him, \u201cCan\u2019t you offer me something better? A few pesos up or down make a big difference to me.\u201d And he offered me the best rate we had discovered so far.\r\n\r\nWas this just luck? Because I took the trouble to ask? Was it because I generated some sympathy? The fact is, it worked.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n4. How can I communicate in an assertive way?<\/strong>\r\n\r\nWe are assertive when we express and communicate our needs and feelings firmly and respectfully, without dismissing or judging the other person. To do this, we need to be connected with who we are and we must feel comfortable when expressing our feelings.\r\n\r\nWhen we negotiate, we often take commentary in a personal way and feel hurt. That\u2019s when we become defensive and go into a passive or aggressive mode, or a combination of the two. The origin of many conflicts is not in what is said but in the way it is said. We should express ourselves in a clear, neutral way, with no prejudices or negative emotional language.\r\n\r\nFor example, if we receive a comment we think is out of place or insulting, we can answer aggressively (\u201cyou\u2019re an idiot, you don\u2019t understand anything\u201d) or we can be assertive: \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but I find that comment painful and it makes me feel bad. I value and respect our relationship a great deal, and I\u2019d like to ask you to please use a different tone.\u201d\r\n\r\nQuality communication depends on both sides. Before blaming the other person, I must ask myself \u201cwhat is my responsibility in this situation?\u201d, \u201chow have we reached this point?\u201d and \u201cwhat can I do to sort things out?\u201d\r\n\r\nCommunicating assertively yields some surprising results.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n5. To sum up: when I negotiate I try to remember these personal 10 points<\/strong>\r\n
    \r\n \t
  1. Establish limits assertively, with firmness and respect.<\/span> If I don\u2019t impose limits, I can\u2019t expect others to respect me. My \u201cyes\u201d is only valid when I\u2019m also capable of saying \u201cno\u201d.<\/li>\r\n \t
  2. Know how to listen to and respect the limits of the other person.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t
  3. I must take responsibility for my words and actions, and for the consequences of my decisions.<\/span> Think before speaking.<\/li>\r\n \t
  4. \u201cBecome a person\u201d for the other person.<\/span> Sharing who you are generates empathy.<\/li>\r\n \t
  5. Smile, have a sense of humor.<\/span> Knocking down barriers does not mean being soft or weak.<\/li>\r\n \t
  6. Have a positive, realistic attitude.<\/span> That way it\u2019s easier for other people to get involved and help.<\/li>\r\n \t
  7. Don\u2019t take a setback as something personal.<\/span> I\u2019m only responsible for my attitude, not the other person\u2019s.<\/li>\r\n \t
  8. Trust your instinct. <\/span>We process more information on a subconscious level than consciously. If we feel inside us that \u201csomething\u2019s not right\u201d it\u2019s because \u201csomething\u2019s not right\u201d.<\/li>\r\n \t
  9. Learn to ask for things and ask questions.<\/span> Without fear or shame, in a polite way. If we don\u2019t ask, we won\u2019t know what we might get. Asking doesn\u2019t mean begging, being desperate or being weak. It\u2019s important to find the right way and the right time.<\/li>\r\n \t
  10. Learn how to respond to, and accept, a \u201cno\u201d. <\/span>I have to be willing to find respectful ways of transforming a \u201cno\u201d into a \u201cyes\u201d \u2013and to accept a \u201cno\u201d when it\u2019s definitive.<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nPlease experiment with all these ideas to see what the result is. You can contact me at palmansa@faculty.ie.edu<\/a>, at LinkedIn, at @almansap or at www.elrincondepaula.com<\/a>.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n\u00a9 IE Ideas.\r\n\r\n "],"wpcf-article-extract-enable":["1"],"wpcf-article-extract":["By Paula Almansa<\/strong>. Negotiation is an essential part of our everyday lives, in the personal and the professional ambit..."],"wpcf-article-summary-enable":["1"],"wpcf-article-summary":["When it comes to negotiation, it is important to reflect on how you communicate when debating with another party and the role played by emotions. You have a better chance of getting what you want by focusing on what is feasible. When you receive a negative reply, consider whether what you asked for is technically impossible; if not, you might simply be talking to the wrong person. Generating empathy and having a positive attitude can be effective, but it is also important to accept a \u201cno\u201d when it is definitive. Finally, it is fundamental to be assertive and express your needs and feelings, but you must always respect the other person\u2019s limits and take responsibility for your actions."]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/articles\/633599","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/articles"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/articles"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/636534"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=633599"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"schools","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/schools?post=633599"},{"taxonomy":"areas","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/areas?post=633599"},{"taxonomy":"subjects","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ie.edu\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/subjects?post=633599"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}