How to follow your dreams

6 min read

You there—dreamer! Think back to when your feet were hard from too much playing outdoors. Back then, you had a golden feeling in your belly. What do you call it… possibility!

Now, we don’t always get a chance to go back there. Why would you—you’re a wise adult now. But there’s one thing we understood then that’s more difficult now: How to follow your dreams.

So let’s talk about that.

What is a dream?

A dream is a vision, a desire, an aspiration. It’s something you can’t have now, but maybe, with a bit of luck, you can have in the future.

But this is all very conceptual. You’re here for hard tips on how to follow your dreams. So let’s get technical.

First, let’s make a distinction between dreams and goals. In short, dreams are broad and visionary. They’re offspring of your imagination. Goals, on the other hand, are specific, measurable and achievable objectives. Goals are the stepping stones needed to make your dream a reality. And goals are reached through actions that are within your control.

A dream without goals is unrealistic. Goals without a dream are purposeless.

How to follow your dreams by setting goals

It helps to structure your strategy a bit—and that’s where goal frameworks come in handy. Here are five good’uns to set you on your merry path to success.

1. SMART Goals

This is probably the best-known goal framework. SMART stands for “Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound”. It’s exactly what it says on the tin—you should only devise goals that tick all these boxes. It focuses your energy into useful tasks and makes it easier to track outcomes.

2. OKRs

OKRs stands for “Objectives and Key Results”. This one’s big for companies that want to align their strategies across departments. With OKRs, you set a clear objective and proactively define the measurable results before you set out on your journey. That way, it’s easier to see whether your plan is effective and hold yourself accountable. It also gives your company legal grounds to fire you—don’t sign that pledge, dreamer!

3. Locke and Latham’s 5 Principles

The first of our list that isn’t based on initials. These five principles for goal setting are: Clarity, Challenge, Commitment, Feedback, and Task Complexity. It works to keep both management accountable alongside their teams since it involves feedback. The ultimate goal is to boost productivity. The “task complexity” part allows for adjustments if the work isn’t feasible inside the given time restrictions.

4. BHAG

Back to initials. BHAG stands for “Big Hairy Audacious Goal”. The difference with this one is it’s all about dreaming big. You set a goal that’s so far outside of your comfort zone that it really pushes you beyond your limits. Much like the others, it does involve breaking the task down into achievable, smaller goals. But a BHAG really sets your sights on long-term results within a set timeframe—though your means may have to involve risk and daring moves.

5. One Word Goal

This one’s a bit more mindful and more appropriate for your individual, dreamer goals. You essentially pick a word for the year which provides a focus in everything you do. For example, if your word is “health”, you set goals that revolve around the topic, like exercise, diet or meditation. The “One Word Goal” keeps things simple while providing unity for all your actions.

Why am I not following my dreams?

That’s a tough question, so let’s assume you’re asking. After all—we’ve all felt lost from time to time, haven’t we? And it’s particularly difficult when we feel we should be pursuing our dreams. But, for some cursed reason, we just can’t get there.

A lot of the time we’re limited by fear. That could be fear of failure, fear of the unknown or fear of judgment. The problem is that fear stops you stepping out of your comfort zone. According to author Robin Sharma, “As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.” Which is especially interesting if we refer back to the BHAGs. If you’re inspired by something out of reach, you’ll likely have to recondition your sense of comfort to make progress.

People often prefer the comfort of dreaming rather than taking the difficult steps to achieve those dreams. And that’s exactly where procrastination comes in. Here are some choice words from the IE Center for Health and Well-being:

“The word procrastination comes from the Latin procrastinare: “deferred until tomorrow” and the Greek akrasia: “acting against one’s better judgment.” The word itself suggests that procrastination is an active process: you choose to do something other than the task at hand, despite knowing that its delay will cause you to suffer in the future. 

“Procrastination can vary from chronic (perpetual problems finishing tasks) to situational (the delaying of tasks that may seem unattractive or boring). At some point in our lives, nearly everyone has delayed completing a task, with a number of studies showing that “procrastination appears to go hand-in-hand with the human condition.””

Why is it so hard to follow your dreams?

So, the conclusion so far—cut out the procrastination and get to work.

However, we don’t want to just give you the typical “follow your dreams at any cost” talk. There are thousands of motivational videos all over YouTube for that. And you might be doing everything right already. So what do you do if you’re following your dreams but it’s making you desperately miserable. And what if it’s been that way for a while?

Let us introduce you to the “sunk cost fallacy”. This concept was created by Richard Thaler back in 1980, as a means to explain why people continue investing in projects even when it’s no longer rational to do so, which is result of a cognitive bias based on prior investments. In short, because you can’t recover the money, time and effort you’ve already expended, you double down on your pursuit of a detrimental goal. You become your own worst enemy in order to avoid negative feelings like guilt or a sense of failure. You refuse to lose at your own peril.

That’s not to say give up straight away. But consider reframing the narrative around your dreams. Set clear goals and be ready to reassess if you’re not meeting desired outcomes. Businesses now rely heavily on data to drive decisions. While you don’t have to be so scientific about your own life, being a little more pragmatic might make you happy in the long run.

How can I follow my own dreams?

Another great question, and one on which we’re going to wrap up the article.

Let’s say you’ve taken the sunk cost fallacy into account. That you’ve really delved into the narrative around your dreams and why you want to achieve them. There’s a very good chance—and this won’t be popular—that they aren’t your dreams at all.

Confused? Don’t be, dreamer. The fact is, it’s very common for us to set our own dreams around someone else. It comes down to a psychological theory called “enmeshment“, whereby we blur the boundaries of our personal identity with key figures in our lives. Salvador Minuchin outlined how unhealthy closeness in families or romantic relationships can lead to difficulty in making autonomous decisions. Enmeshment can occur due to unresolved emotional issues like low self-esteem or fear of abandonment, ultimately leading you to lose sight of your own desires while relying on others for validation and emotional support.

That could be a partner who’s left theirs with you for safekeeping. Maybe it’s a parent who only ran half a marathon and wants you to run the rest. Or it could be the residue of a dream that was guarded by another version of yourself—someone you might have left behind, who knew you less than you do now.

To understand how you can follow your dream, you need to work out who you borrowed it from. When you’re young, you try on dreams like outfits. Because you’re full of possibility! But then time passes. You stop playing outside. You stop doing team sports. Even stop drawing pictures. The idea of “you” becomes solid and opaque.

But that’s a good thing. Because once you understand who that person is—once you have a concrete definition—you’ll have a unique area of expertise to share with the world. Good to know, isn’t it? And once you’ve found your true dream, the thing that keeps you up at night, gets you up early in the morning—you can set all the goals you need to get there. And it won’t feel like work at all.