Beyond the Performance Trap: 4 Practical Pathways to Meaning

By Dr. Silvia Centeno

“We are human beings, not human doings”

However, we live in a culture that rewards performance over presence. We chase grades, promotions, likes, and followers. We optimize productivity, chase “success,” and cultivate personas. Yet beneath the curated lives and achievements lies a quiet hollowness. We’re busy doing, but we’ve lost touch with being. The question is no longer “How can I perform better?” but “What am I performing for?”

Despite having access to more knowledge and freedom than any generation before, many—especially young people—struggle to answer one of life’s most important questions:  Why am I here? 

Longitudinal data tracing back to the 1960s show a troubling trend: fewer people report having a clear sense of purpose in life, and young people today are significantly less likely to define the meaning of their lives—or even search for it (Twenge et al., 2012). While it is tempting to blame this shift solely on social media, these technologies function more as distractions than root causes. Our devices often serve to fill the void created by a deeper malaise: we are performing endlessly, yet we are not sure why.

The Three Components of Meaning

Psychologists define meaning through three interrelated elements (George & Park, 2016):

• Coherence: the belief that life makes sense; an understanding of how experiences fit into a larger narrative.

• Significance: the sense that one’s life matters—to others and to something greater than the self.

• Purpose: the feeling of having direction, of working toward meaningful goals.

These components are not static traits that we either have or don’t have. They’re not waiting to be “found.” And perhaps this is the problem: we’ve been taught to find our purpose like a hidden treasure, when in fact, we need to develop it like a garden.

From Finding Purpose to Developing It

Research by Paul A. O’Keefe, Carol Dweck, and Gregory Walton (2018) challenges the “finding your purpose” narrative. Their studies show that when people view passion and purpose as things to be discovered—fixed, inherent qualities—they’re more likely to give up when things get hard ( fixed mindset) . By contrast, those who believe that purpose is something to be cultivated over time through effort and exploration show greater resilience and motivation ( growth mindset).

This aligns with Dweck’s broader work on motivation and development, where she argues that identity and meaning are not static qualities but evolving constructs. In her 2017 theoretical framework, she suggests that our needs for coherence, significance, and purpose can be transformed into actionable goals, growing as we engage intentionally with life.

The implications are profound: meaning is not something you wait to find. It’s something you create through living intentionally, connecting deeply, and acting with courage.

4 Practical Pathways to Meaning

So how do we escape the performance trap and begin to cultivate a life of meaning?

1. Shift from Seeking to Shaping

Stop waiting for a lightning bolt of clarity. Instead, pursue what sparks your curiosity, joy, or compassion. Purpose grows through action and reflection.

Ask yourself:

• What activities make me lose track of time?

• When do I feel most alive, energized, or fully myself?

• What am I curious about, even if I don’t feel “good” at it yet?

•  If I allowed myself to experiment without pressure, what would I try first?

2. Tell Your Story 

Build coherence by examining your life’s narrative. What patterns do you see? What have you overcome? Crafting your story helps make sense of your path.

Ask yourself:

• What experiences—both joyful and painful—have shaped who I am today?

• What patterns or values keep showing up in my decisions, even unconsciously?

• How would I describe the “theme” of my life so far?

• What’s a difficult moment that later revealed itself as meaningful?

3. Connect to Others

Significance grows in community. Relationships remind us that we matter—not for what we produce, but for who we are. Deep relationships, acts of service, and feeling part of a community reinforce that our lives matter.

Ask yourself:

• Who in my life makes me feel truly seen, heard, and valued?

• When have I felt I made a real difference in someone else’s life?

• What group, cause, or community do I feel drawn to contribute to?

• If I disappeared tomorrow, whose life would be different because of me?

4. Set Meaningful Goals

Purpose often begins with a sense of contribution. Start small. Goals aligned with your values build momentum and deepen your sense of self.

Ask yourself:

• What kind of impact would I like to have in the next 5 years?

• What small, meaningful goal could I start this week?

• What do I want to be remembered for—not just when I die, but after I leave a room?

• What values do I want to embody in my daily actions?

A Culture Shift Starts Within

In a culture obsessed with metrics and visibility, choosing to prioritize meaning over performance is a quiet act of rebellion—and one of radical self-love. It reminds us that we are not machines built to produce, but humans built to belong, become, and believe. In a world that constantly asks you to prove your worth, there is strength and value in simply being.

References

Dweck, C. S. (2017). From needs to goals and representations: Foundations for a unified theory of motivation, personality, and development. Psychological Review, 124(6), 689–719. https://doi.org/10.1037/rev0000082

George, L. S., & Park, C. L. (2016). Meaning in life as comprehension, purpose, and mattering: Toward integration and new research questions. Review of General Psychology, 20(3), 205–220. https://doi.org/10.1037/gpr0000077

O’Keefe, P. A., Dweck, C. S., & Walton, G. M. (2018). Implicit theories of interest: Finding your passion or developing it? Psychological Science, 29(10), 1653–1664. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618780643

Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K., & Freeman, E. C. (2012). Generational differences in young adults’ life goals, concern for others, and civic orientation, 1966–2009. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 102(5), 1045–1062. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0027408